Cabinet

On action

I have a lot of respect for artists that do things. Wow, deep, I know. What I mean is, I don’t care if the work is good or bad, but just the fact that it has been created, is enough to justify its existence, for me. So I don’t know why it’s so hard for me to feel the same way about my own work. Anything I do, I immediately think about the big picture. Who does this affect? How will it be received? Am I proud of this? I think it cripples me with fear and I end up either trashing and starting over, or anxiously wringing my hands as it is exposed. It’s not even that that I think that my work is precious. Because I know, that whatever I do, I will have a different opinion of it in one week.

I realized in a conversation I had with Nelson that this is something that sets us apart. I have all these preconceived notions of how something should be done. We were discussing the making of a book, and I began thinking out loud. Within five minutes I had gone from the simple question of, should we, or not, to suggesting changes to a website. This is a huge weakness. I am my own corporate red tape. After hearing me out, Nelson will usually respond with, “why?” And it usually pisses me off. What do you mean why? Everyone knows you need a business model. Or, everyone knows you need a target audience. Everyone knows that. And that is when I realize, I am wrong. Or, maybe I’m not necessarily wrong, but why am I not even questioning that maybe I am? I don’t know where or when I picked these things up, but I’m desperately trying to get rid of this prejudice that is turning me into the person I have been trying to avoid. I don’t want to be ‘the Man,’ but I am. And not like “yo you’re the man” but in a “stick it to the man” kind of way. It sucks.

So, this is my personal ‘call to action.’ To act first, discover, then think later. Because it’s harder the other way around, and because that’s how I’ve been doing it this whole time, except in the work I’m actually pleased with.